Negativity

In most cases being negative isn’t a positive thing, but for me it has brought about celebration! Eating a steak, sipping a martini, going to the movies kind of celebration! For those of you not yet following me, let me fill you in…

About three months ago, on December 10th, I had the most amazing experience. I was able to help in the delivery of a baby boy at our clinic in Chifusa. The doctor was busy with other patients, so it was just me and a traditional birth attendant in the room. Having gained most, if not all, of my medical expertise from ER and Dr McDreamy, and only wearing Chaco sandals, I wasn’t expecting to be given the responsibility of OBGYN for the morning. The fact that I was helping to deliver a child is terrifying if you know my disdain for bodily fluids and my Anatomy and Physiology grade. But none the less, this is Zambia where I have learned to buck up in just about any situation. So there I am at the end of the delivery bed, this young soon-to-be mother pushing away, and me encouraging the situation! She had been in labor for some time and I had just come into the room. Besides my own, I had never been in the room during a delivery. Now, where was the episode on Grey’s where the naïve, yet beautiful and bright, intern is soaked by a tidal wave of amniotic fluid and blood as the mother lays on her back with her legs spread for the delivery? Unfortunately for me, I missed that episode. Another unfortunate circumstance was that I had a large gash on my foot from cutting it on barbed wire the night before. So due to the tsunami force splash zone I had entered, I now had the blood and vaginal fluids of this woman soaking into my foot. She was not sure if she was HIV positive, and due to the rural location of our clinic, we don’t have testing available. So in an instant I’m thinking ‘I may just have contracted HIV,’ ‘This was my sister’s biggest fear for me in coming here,’ ‘I need to get on post exposure prophylaxis (PEP),’ ‘I am suing NBC for negligence.’ Those thoughts ran through my head in a second but then it was back to work, as I was able to help bring this magical sci-fi episode called a delivery to its conclusion. It was incredible to see this baby/alien come into the world. I highly recommend that you watch a birth sometime. Ideally in a “no-splash zone” covered from head to toe in impenetrable armor.

I called our Peace Corps Medical Officer that afternoon and was advised that I would need to come into Lusaka to get on PEP within 72 hours for it to be effective. PEP is a drug that those who have been exposed to HIV can take and it has been effective in stopping the virus. As I lay in bed that Saturday night I had a restless sleep. I kept thinking, “If I just contracted HIV today, was it worth it? Would I be willing to die for these people?” I wrote the following prayer in my journal the next morning. “Please calm me Lord. I know that all things work together for the good of those who love You. I know trials build endurance and this will add to the perfecting of my faith. I know You don’t promise us easiness or an exception of pain, so I just ask that in my soul you make it ok. Use it for the perfection of my faith. Thank you for allowing me to experience that birth. It truly was awesome.”

The delivery was on a Saturday and transport from my village doesn’t leave until Monday morning again, so I was a little nervous about the time crunch. Luckily I was able to hitch a ride on a vehicle transporting cattle to Choma on Sunday. I made it into Lusaka by Monday morning and the first HIV test came back negative. The HIV test is actually testing for antibodies that you produce in response to the infection, so it can take up to 3 months to be sure that you are in the clear. Because of that “window period” there was still the chance that I could test positive down the road. So the waiting game began. I chose to not tell my family back home as it is stressful enough for them that I am across the world living in a hut. When I finally told them the news last week it included the fact that my final test had come back negative and I am completely healthy. Praise God! I may never have been exposed to the virus, or God may have performed a miracle and protected me- I will never know. Of this I am confident; He did work out all things for the good and did strengthen my dependence on Him. May He do the same for you.