Come Back to Me

"Come back to me." Those were my last words to her. She responded by giving me a hug, as though she knew it was a promise she could not keep. Later that night there was a knock at my door, her daughter Bertha asking me if we could try and phone the hospital where she had been taken. As we stood on the hill, the cell phone searching for network, I hugged Bertha and told her it was going to be ok. I think we both knew it was a promise I would not be able to keep.

I will never forget the first time I met her, my friend, Mrs. Ennis Mpongo. She was the first woman I met in Chifusa. Eight months pregnant, she stood in her white nurse uniform in front of the Rural Health Center. She was tall with brown skin shining in the sun and heat. I immediately liked her. The way she called me "dear", the way her laugh came out heartily, the way she worked hard and loved without condition.

We did life together. She taught me how to plant a garden, I brought her tomatoes. She translated for me at meetings, I assisted her with quarterly reports. We biked to neighboring villages to talk and treat patients with TB, malaria, and HIV. She found me in my house on rainy days and would chat for hours. I made her try American foods, she taught me how to cook nshima. She named her baby girl after me, I held her when that baby died. She wept with me at the loss of my grandma. She is not here to hold me as I weep for her now.

She made me laugh! I remember a time when I made her soup and put 'Mrs Dash' spices in it. Anytime I looked away she would pick out the spices. Finally I caught her and asked her what she was doing. Not wanting to embarrass me, she said, "Oh, Pego, it's ok, when you are first learning to cook here lots of dirt can get in." 'Mrs Dash' does look a bit like dirt.

She was one of the most generous individuals I have met. People would come to her house at all times for treatment, food, a bicycle, advise, or just the pleasure of her company. She would always send one of her kids to make sure that I had eaten when I came back from a long day of working. She gave birth to 4 children, but she was mother to many. At the time of her death she was caring for her children plus 5 nieces and nephews.

She was my closest friend here, but also like a mother to me. As I sat in her house last Monday crying, I caught a glimpse of a card that I had made her- "Buzuba bamama kabotu." Happy Mother's Day. The card was still sitting on her shelf. She would write me notes that started, "Daughter Pego". If I ever needed advise on an issue in the village I went to her. If I was scared, lonely, or sad I went to her.

I didn't ever go to the hospital to see her and it is killing me. I called to get updates from the nurses but wasn't able to talk to her directly. I was in a taxi once to go and then got out and walked home. In that I have failed her. The last I heard was that she was doing better and recovering at her parent's home in a village 7 hours away.

Last Monday I came back to the village from Choma. I sat on my doorstep and wrote in my journal "Feeling a bit lonely without Mrs Mpongo around". I finished writing and started to get ready for bed. Then I heard the wailing. Sobs cutting through the dusk air with their sorrow and I knew before I say Bertha's tears, before I heard the actual words. I knew my friend, my teacher, my helper, my comforter, was gone.

And I miss her. I want her to be here now. I wanted to eat Christmas dinner with her and her family. I wanted to be the one that said 'see you later' come August. I wanted to take her around in the US and somehow show her how much she meant to me here in Zambia.

Our last day together, before she left for the hospital, she looked at me and said, "I know God is with me". And He was...He is. Her suffering in this life has ended. Her Maker called, "Come Back to Me", and so her life begins.

Take a Chance

"If we do not offer ourselves to the unknown, our senses will dull. Our world becomes small and we lose our sense of wonder. Our eyes will not lift to the horizon; our ears will not hear the sounds around us. We pass our days in routine that is both comfortable and limiting. We soon wake up to find we have lost our dreams in order to protect our days. Fear of the unknown and the lure of comfortable space will conspire to keep you from taking the chances you should take.

But if we take a chance, you will never regret the choice. To be sure, there will be moments of doubt when you stand alone on an empty road in the pouring rain, or when you are ill with fever in a rented bed. But as the pains of the moment will come; so will they ever fade away. In the end you will be so much richer, so much stronger, so much happier and so much the better person for having taken risk and hardship. There will be nothing to compare to the insight you have gained."

- Kent Nerburn

Spring Time

December in Zambia means no school for kids, lots of rain, and everything turning green. Here are some photos of my buddies playing in the front yard. We had lots of fun searching for bowa (mushrooms), playing with Rocky, and dancing.

World AIDS Day

The first confirmed case of AIDS in Zambia came in 1984. By 1986 17.5% of patients in the capital city tested postive for the disease. In 1987 then Zambian President, Kenneth Kaunda, announced his own son had died from AIDS. Each and every person in Zambia has been infected or affected by this pandemic.

This is not a problem only found in Zambia. The World Health Organization estimates worldwide, 33.2 million people are living with HIV. With all the information given on HIV, we watched 2.5 million people contract this disease in 2007. The fight ended for 2.1 million people in 2007 as they died from this disease. 330,000 of those that died were children under the age of 15 years.

It breaks my heart that even one person contracted the disease last year. We have the information on how this disease is spread. Quick health lesson for those of you still reading-4 bodily fluids carry the Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV)-blood, semen, vaginal fluid, and breast milk. We have medicine that a pregnant mother can take that will greatly decrease the risk of passing HIV to a child. We understand that sharing needles, razor blades, anything that can transfer blood is dangerous. Unprotected sex opens you up to a whole host of infectious diseases as well as emotional issues.

A person's place on the map should not determine their likelyhood of contracting HIV. And yet, sadly, it seems there is a connection. Here in sub-saharan Africa, we're leading the world with 22.5 million people infected. Poverty, lack of education, and gender issues all work together to form a deadly combonation that is directly connected to this virus.

Unfortunetly I don't have solutions for all the problems our world is facing. I am doing what I can to make a difference in the place God has put me. Right now I am in a place where I can directly touch the lives of those dealing with HIV/AIDS. Do what you can, where you are, to make an impact for the better. In Chifusa Village we celebrated World AIDS Day by hosting an event at Pilgrim Church. We had dramas, dancing, sketches, teaching, and prayer. I am learning each day that behind every statistic is a person, a face, a soul, that matters deeply to our Creator. There are days that I wish the numbers were just numbers to me. And there are days that my heart aches for the daughter or son behind that number.


Join with me in prayer that God will guide us in the battle.

Thanksgiving at the Lake

My second Thanksgiving in Zambia gave me further respect for pilgrims. Having to purchase a live turkey in the village, fatten it up over a few months, and then kill it for the meal was just part of our adventure! Imagine how our forefathers felt chasing after these birds in order to enjoy their savory taste.

This year, 18 Peace Corps volunteers and I headed to Lake Kariba to enjoy our American holiday. Kariba is a man made lake, over 200k long-and filled with hippos, crocodiles, and other very un-American animals. After a 3 hour journey with all of us piled in the back of a cantor, we found our way to The Clubhouse at Lake Kariba. We had the whole place to ourselves and it was great to be in a home! We did not do any swimming in the actual lake, but spent hours jumping in the pools and splashing around in an effort to ward off the heat. I convinced the group to have a Turkey Bowl Zambia and am still sore from playing football for hours. We ate tons of great food throughout the whole weekend-and Thanksgiving dinner was awesome-turkey, duck, chicken, and many side dishes. Turns out wild monkeys are also fond of eating stuffing. Friday night we went out on a boat and toured around the lake which allowed us to see lots of animals on the many islands throughout Kariba. I got to talk with my family back home and received text messages from many of you---so appreciated!

As always, Thanksgiving gives us a time to pause and give thanks for the many blessings in our lives. I am so thankful this year for the path God has led me on that brought me out here to Zambia. I am blessed beyond belief to know the God that allows us to know Him and find our identity in Him. A God that gives us hope that this life is not all there is to the world. Also for my family, and this includes people that don't share my "blood". People that have loved me, pursued me, encouraged me, and made sacrifices to be a part of my life-I cannot repay you for your kindness. I only hope to continue this journey with you and stand on mountaintops one day looking back on the valleys. Through lows and highs I want to walk with you.

I hope all of you were able to pause and enjoy a moment with people who love you!

Photos

Wanted to post some of my favorite photos from my time here In Zambia. There are so many-but here are just a few of the memories and people I love! If you want to know the story behind one of the photos, just email me and I can let you know. Enjoy!

LoveHate2

I will continue with the November list of some of my favorite and least favorite things...

LOVE: Eating Outside
Maybe it's your back deck, or an African chikuta, perhaps the patio at a great restaurant, wherever it is, eating outdoors makes the meal better. You get to have fresh air, it's usually not so noisy, you can people watch or animal watch, and if you drop something on the floor you don't have to clean it up later. What is there not to love?

HATE: Obnoxious Drunks

Somehow alcohol makes even a wallflower feel the need to sing to, heckle at, or just annoy anyone in the vicinity. Now I have no problem with people drinking a glass of wine. Or sipping a margarita. Or gulping down a cold ale. But please, don't mix all of these and find your way to a place near me. You are not welcome.

LOVE: Rainstorms When I am Inside Wrapped in a Blanket

Something about the sound of rain on a windowpane or rooftop brings me peace. I think it goes back to my deep love for all things water. I love being snuggled inside and feeling safe and warm. In college, K and I would find our way to Mimi's cafe and I loved getting corn chowder and warm muffins. That is the best rainy day food.

HATE: Being in Rainstorms While Wet and Cold and Miserable

Yeah, that really needs no explanation. I hate that.

LOVE: When People Comment Back on Their LoveHate Ideas
Go now. Do it. You can even be anonymous. It is therapeutic.

The Rest of the Story

It's been less than a week since A left, and I am just know feeling exhausted. We have this deal where any time we are on vacation we go from sunup to sundown, literally! Somehow it works awesome and I just get strep throat about a week later. It is 100% worth it.

We moved from Tanzania to my village, and it was by far the best part of the trip for me. I loved being able to share both of my "worlds" with each other.

My world of African transportation. This means A and I got to share the back of a Cantor truck with literally 60 people, added livestock, and tons of luggage. I am so glad that she now understands why I would rather cycle 40k than ride in a vehicle.

My world of African cooking. Mulenga and Bene came over about noon on Saturday to have us inspect the chickens we would later be eating-they looked good to us. I attempted to decapitate the chicken around 5pm but the knife was not very sharp and I was hit with a bout of fear and nausea mid cut. I can only imagine how that chicken felt! We boiled, plucked, cleaned, and fried the chicken. Boneless skinless chicken is a miracle and a blessing. Let me repeat-boneless skinless chicken is a miracle and a blessing. Do not take it for granted. I am moved closer to vegetarianism each day.

My world of African friends. We had the best time with the Kapuwe's and Kayawe's. The moms of these families are my co-leaders of Girls Club. Both of the fathers are teachers at the school. All of the kids are my little buddies. Taking care of extended family in Zambia is commonplace. So we enjoyed dancing and dining with Getrude, Jeans, Bene, Tembo, Junior, Bene Mushonto, Lilian, Jay, Memory, Mercy, Mwalya, Mulenga, Jordan Zambia, Friday, and Flo. And all those people live together in four bedrooms. They embraced Andrea and taught her all kinds of new dance moves, Zambian taboos, and traditions. It is one of my favorite village nights thus far.

My world of African chores. Fetching water from the well, washing clothes by hand, cooking over the fire- A got to experience it all and shined like a pro. I'd like to think she will never take her washing machine for granted again!

After time in the village we caught a bus down to Livingstone and explored Victoria Falls. I had not been there this time of year, and it was awesome to see how different they are in dry season. We went on a dinner/drinks cruise on the Zambezi River, layed by the pool, and hung out with some Peace Corps friends.

Then it was back to Lusaka and A back to the States. She has tons of pictures and video from our trip, so grab her and ask her to see them. Once I am no longer a complete picture poster looser I'll get some up here too.

Amushale kabotu basa! Stay well friends.

Snapshots of Paradise

The vacation with A is almost half over-and I've yet to give you my own take on things, so here are some "snaps" of the trip so far.

A arrived with a bag full of goodness from the States. The bag included just about all of my favorites-Skittles, coffee, candy corn, cute clothes, and best of all a video! K & A had put this video together that included live footage of Colorado's fall season and then a snowstorm the next day, my parent's home, and messages from so many of the people I love. I couldn't stop smiling as I watched it. So not only did flight Q3001 bring my kindred spirit, but it brought a lot of you to me!


Fast forward to Tanzania. We are on day 1 of our safari and we are in the midst of an elephant herd. They weren't charging the Land Cruiser but they were definitely sauntering by and within touching distance. On our right, mama elephants with their young rolling in the mud to stay cool and then one elephant on our left scratching against a tree trunk. I was entertained and just a little frightened. I also learned much about elephant anatomy during this episode. You can ask Andrea more about that one day.


Next day, we are in the Ngorongoro Crater and sitting on the roof of our Land Cruiser, overlooking a hippo pond. More then a dozen hippos are submerged in the pond and hundreds of zebras and wildebeest are moving throughout the grasslands surrounding the pond. The water is bright blue, the grass is blowing in the breeze, the crater walls rise up in every direction. It inspires awe for the Creator.

We'll kindly skip over the next day as I have refereed to our bus ride back to Dar as a mix between hell and hell. The only slightly redeeming factor was that I got through most of an awesome book, The Kite Runner. The book is fabulous and like any great book, transports you into another world quickly. A good book is basically the exact opposite of transportation in Africa.


Zanzibar- a mix between heaven and heaven. Fresh seafood, white sands, sea green water. One day we went dolphin trekking, jumping into and out of the Indian Ocean as we followed a group of dolphins. I literally make eye contact with one of the dolphins before she swims underneath me and rubs against a piece of coral. Next day we are watching the sunrise from the beach, riding bikes on the sand in the afternoon, and ending the day with a glass of great wine. See what I mean about heaven and heaven?

Hope that you are enjoying a little paradise of your own! If not, live vicariously through me and I'm sure I'll do the same with your life one day.

Vacation by the Numbers

Some people get substitute teachers...I have a substitute blogger. All the way from Colorado, here are some of Andrea's witty musings on our trip...

Vacation by the Numbers Part 1:
0: Number of times I've beaten Caitlin at Rummy
1: Hour difference between Zambia and Tanzania. Good to know when you're leaving for safari trip
2: Number of marriage proposals
3: Lions seen at Ngorogoro Crater today
4: Oceans Caitlin and I have visited together
5: Feet away from elephant herd
6: Times needed to understand what our safari guide could possibly be saying
7: Types of transportation used while in Africa
8: Bruises I have from four-wheeling
9: Mosquito bites on left leg alone
10: Number of times we laugh uncontrollably each day
15: Items bought in one trip to local market

Vacation by the Numbers Part II:
0: Tolerance for African transport
1: Can of pringles between the 2 of us for lunch
2: Times bus broke down
3: People squished in bus seats
4: Time ferry to Zanzibar left without us
5: Times cursed African transportation
6: Time bus supposed to leave this a.m.
7: Men yelling at me when demanded money back
8: Shillings needed for taxi from bus station to hotel
9: Hours it took to go from Arusha to Dar es Salaam

Okay...so African vacation doesn't always go as planned. But we ended the day well...not in Zanzibar as scheduled....but spending time on the Indian Ocean. Afterall, tomorrow is another day!

From Andrea

My buddy arrived! And with her came lots of goodies from home and even a video of Colorado in fall/winter and lots of familiar faces! Here is how the trip is going so far in her words...

Hello All!! Hope this finds you well! I have made it safely to Zambia and have just now been able to get to an internet cafe to update everyone! I had a great trip from Denver to Lusaka (minus the drunk Rockies fan, nose-picking seat-mate and man with magnifying glass to personal TV screen). It has been such a treat to travel with Caitlin and see these people with whom she is sharing her life. We have filled each day. Day #1 toured the garden and "zoo" where one of Cait's Peace Corps friends resides...and where we are staying while in Lusaka. Day #2 Caitlin surprised me with a birthday gift - 1 hour massage at African resort. After that was a day full of shopping...which of course I loved (especially with Caitlin doing bartering for me)!! Today we were supposed to fly to Tanzania...and by that I mean we had a scheduled flight on Zambian Airways in which they had failed to mention that the flight just so happened to be changed to tomorrow. So...they have put us up at hotel and we will fly to Tanzania tomorrow. So...one minor set-back is only to be expected when in Africa (thus far). We are very excited for Tanzania. We will be going on safari, seeing Mt Kilimanjaro, and going to relax on the beaches of Zanzibar. We are scheduled to return on Nov 2 to Zambia...and by that I mean we have a scheduled flight with Zambian Airways...but what does that really mean? =)

I have compiled a small list of things I have learned thus far while in Zambia:

1. Left side of the road, steering wheel on the ride side, swerving to avoid collision with bicyclists, livestock and pedestrian = Driving in African taxi
2. True to Life = Objects carried on the head
3. Trouser = Pants
Pants = Underwear
Short shorts = Prostitue
4. Greeting 10 Zambians = 10 hellos
5. A little British, a little American, a little Zambian = how Caitlin speaks with Zambian people
6. 2000 kwatcha = price when Andrea speaks
1000 kwatcha = price when Caitlin speaks (see #5)
7. 4000 kwatcha = 1 USD
1000 kwatcha = Andrea still confused
Any money transaction = "Caitlin, so how much is that?"
8. 18 people in mini-bus = 1 trip to town with room for more
9. Drinks poolside, outdoor shower, hair pull, toe pop, tummy rub and zit clear = 1 African massage
10. Visit with kindred spirit = priceless
***

More to come if and when we actually return from Zambia! Love ~ Cait

More than Numbers

Yesterday was the big HIV/AIDS testing event (VCT) in my village- and it went awesome! Over 500 people came out to hear the speakers, watch the drama and dance group and enjoy the food. Of those 500, 112 made the choice to be tested. This is a big step for my community. Prior to the event, only a handful of people knew their status. Out of those that were tested, only 4 came back HIV positive. That percentage is incredibly low (our national average is 16%), so either I've done an amazing job here, or the people that really need to be tested are still waiting (most likely).

Even though there were only 4 that came back positive, the impact of HIV hit very close to home for me. One 26 year old female who tested HIV positive was my closest neighbor in Simane Village where I lived prior to moving to the school area. She cooked me dinner my first night in the village, showed me where to draw water, and hugged me while I cried. She has 3 children that attend Club Mweka, and her husband has another wife and child. None of the children, or her husband were tested. She will go on Monday to talk with the hospital here in Choma about getting on anti-retroviral drugs. One of the other positive cases was a 3 year old boy whose mother is currently living with HIV. It is my desire to start a support group for those people living with HIV/AIDS, so we can assist them in any way possible. This disease is truly affecting, directly or indirectly, every person in Zambia.

I think one of the biggest changes that this experience has brought about in my life is the realization that behind every statistic there is a person. It's great to read that only 4 people tested positive, but to someone those 4 people mean the world. And the effects that their imminent deaths will have on our community will be felt deeply by many. Wednesday's event has helped to once again remind me why I came here and how vital it is that we combat this pandemic.

Prayer Requests

I know many of you are praying for me and wanted to give you some specific things to pray for this next week.

*VCT EVENT (Wednesday, October 24th)
On Zambian Independence Day I am hosting a Voluntary Counseling and Testing event in Chifusa. Pray that God will move people to action to be tested and find out their HIV status. Only 8% of the people in Zambia have actually tested-this is a huge obstacle in the battle against the virus. I'll post information and photos next week after the event to give you all an update.

*Mrs Mpongo
My close friend, Zambian surrogate mother, and the only medical staff at our clinic is in the hospital. She has been running a high fever for about a week now, is incredibly weak, and has lost a great deal of weight due to a previous bout of malaria. I spoke with one of her nurses at the hospital today and they are continuing to run tests. Pray that God will give the doctor's wisdom and heal her.

*Andrea's Trip
My traveling buddy extraordinaire arrives in Zambia next Saturday. Pray for a safe trip for her and that God will use this trip to give me much needed rest and encouragement.

Zamland: Where Peacocks Fly

Sometimes it seems like I am in a bizarre alternate universe. Take a few hours of my life last week...

Thursday 5pm
Did you know that a peacock can fly? Or that they can be found in sub-Saharan Africa, perched in gigantic trees making Valoca raptor noises? Imagine my surprise last Thursday when I came across 4 on my ride back to the village. I seriously felt like I was in Jurassic Park.

Thursday 8pm
By the time we reached home it was dark, and I am now huddled between Mrs. Mpongo and a man I don't know in the back of a cantor truck trying to stay warm. A boy from our village, and Club Mweka, Mainza, had been bit by a rabid dog so he needed a shot immediately. He crawled up on my lap and by the light of my cell phone Mrs. Mpongo (a nurse) injected him. He seems to be doing great now, and was learning the Electric Slide last Sunday.

Friday 5am
I had been exhausted when I returned home, so I crashed into bed upon arrival. I woke up the next morning to sounds of my dog crying outside my door. I let him in and that was when I realized his poor eyes were swollen shut and his face grossly deformed due to massive swelling. He had been attacked by a spitting cobra. So I have to take back everything I said about him being a poor protector when it comes to snakes!

Friday 11am
15 students show up at my house for lunch. We eat rice with sugar (a totally legit meal) and then head off to Maumbwe School to teach to about 200 students on HIV/AIDS. These are the Peer Educators I trained back in August. I was so proud of them- they did sketches and songs and poems and were so confident teaching!

I love that surprise, compassion, fear and pride can all find themselves a home inside me in such a short period of time. I hope that you are living fully wherever you are and whatever you are doing!

Better Left Unsaid

In case you are planning on coming to sub-Saharan Africa anytime soon, I wanted to give you the heads up on some topics of which to steer clear. Learn from my mistakes, I've been here 16 months and I'm still having to work through some of these topics.

Lilian and I were walking to get sweet potatos and I started to think it was a good idea to start describing oceanic animals. This led into a description of my days as a Shamu feeder at Sea World. This is a bad idea. Sea World has not even entered the realm of consciousness in land-locked Zambia.

Busiku and I were chatting outside as we dodged huge flying beetles. I was explaining to her that I lived in a basement prior to the current hut. Describing an underground home with windows is not easy. I left out the part about canned foods and Russian language books. That just sounds crazy.

Mulenga was flipping through a Newsweek on my porch. She came across this picture of some rich American that was going to the moon for a weekend holiday. Explaining travel into space is not something that is easily described. Plus, I'm not really sure that I understand this either.

Other topics to avoid: How music gets onto an IPOD. The World Wide Web. Why Americans want to be so skinny. I'm sure I'll think of more later...

Meds, Mamba, & Me

It has been a full month here in Zambia. Early September found me partnering with Nurse Mpongo to give medicine to hundreds of students at Chifusa Basic School to treat worms and bilharzia. I would try to make them laugh while they were swallowing and then have them stick out their tongues to verify the medicine had really been consumed. This event further confirmed the fact that I never want to be a nurse. Mid September, on a walk to a neighboring village school, Rocky (my dog) and I came across a 5 foot green mamba laying across the path. Let me rephrase that. Rocky daintily stepped over the snake and it was me that stopped and notified everyone else that the snake was there. That dog is cute and great company but as for a fearless guard dog he is not making the grade! Girls’ Club continues to meet on Thursday afternoons, the past weeks focusing on early marriages and pregnancies. Club Mweka is going strong on Sunday evenings and the kids are eagerly waiting responses to their pen friend letters. We’ve been able to use financial support from CCR families and the youth group to pay for school supplies for this term and that was a huge help to the kids. Much of my time the past month has been focused on organizing for an Independence Day festival and HIV testing event for the 24th of October (Zambian Independence Day). This has meant a lot of coordinating between District officials, NGOs and my community.

I’ve also had the joy of meeting up with other Peace Corps volunteers. Julie, who I went to Tanzania with last December, planned on staying a day at my site and ended up staying a week. It was so fun to have someone to watch the sunset with at the dam and to play cards with late into the night. I’m not sure that she’ll be coming back since she also had the joy of her first snake exposure at my site and the fact that I am no competition to her amazing Rummy playing abilities. The past week I have been in Lusaka for mid term medical examinations and was given a clean bill of health and the ecstasy of sitting in an air-conditioned movie theatre!

To wrap it up, I just want to ask for prayer from all of you. I have definitely been experiencing a season of discouragement since coming back from the United States. Ironically, the programs and activities I am involved with here are going the best they have since my arrival to Zambia in 2006, but I can’t seem to get past this feeling of none of it being ‘enough’. Please ask God to show me Himself and to reveal where it is He wants me to be focusing my efforts. I am also asking that you be in prayer for a very special girl, Alyssa Geske (16). Her family has been a part of my home church for 12 years, and I have had the joy of leading her as a middle schooler at CCR. This girl is so full of life and a love for the Lord and others. I received news this week from my mom that Alyssa has been diagnosed with inoperable brain cancer. Pray that God will perform a miracle – He is who He says He is and He can do what He says He can do.

Thanks for reading and for your prayers!

LoveHate

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking lately of all the things that I hate about Zambia and have been pretty down lately. You know, like ‘I can’t get off the phone with my mom without crying’ down. It’s just that I know when I hang up I won’t get to hear her voice or hear about all of you for awhile. It actually gets me choked up right now…which leads me into this latest blog. The other night my friend Heidi and I were eating spinach ravioli (love) we had just made from scratch (hate) and we got to talking about things we loved about being here in Zambia. So I’ve decided I am going to start a regular love/hate segment to this blog and document my bi-polarness in regards to this chapter of my life! Hope it makes you laugh or think or smile or whatever. And then write me about some of your loves and hates.

Love: The tropical fruit here. Having been glutinous as a child at the Sizzler salad bar, going back multiple times for piles of fruit, its like I’ve returned to that blissful salad bar of 1988, except that now I have little African children climb trees to get it. As we go into rainy season soon I cannot wait for the mangos, guavas, and bananas that grow like…fruit at the Sizzler circa 1988.

Hate: The line, “I want to marry a white woman.” Thanks, that is really special; I think you probably love me. How many cows am I worth to you? Will I be wife #4? Or #8? Being noticed strictly because of the color of my skin is something that I had never experienced living in predominantly Caucasian areas in the US. It gives me a totally different perspective for how minorities feel. I hate it. And marriage proposals from strangers are ridiculous. Patrick Dempsey if you are reading this, I do not consider you a stranger, Dr McDreamy.

Love: My freedom here. I can make my own schedule, which always includes an hour in the morning of sipping coffee and journaling, and an hour at night of running while the sun goes down. Most likely I will never again have so much time on my hands or freedom to do as I please. The work I am doing here I love-teaching, being an advocate for people, investing into lives. It is slightly different then working for a Fortune 100 company and being on the phone with clients all day.

Hate: Being away from people I love. I want to wrap my arms around you, laugh with you, hold your hand when you are sad, leave you a dorky voicemail, tell you a story. I hate that we are separated by an ocean…you seem a world away and then some.

Now it's your turn...tell me your loves/hates....

Glowing

The first ever GLOW (Girls Leading Our World) camp for Southern Province was a huge success-so much so that we are already looking to have another at the end of the April school break. We had 16 girls from 16 different villages and it was awesome to see them grow in the few days we had them. A bit shy and reserved at first by the end of the week we could not get them to sleep. Lucky for me I sacrificed and went first at cabin duty! I was sleeping soundly the last night while the other Peace Corps volunteers were struggling to communicate to the girls that they really did need to sleep at some point!

To all of you who supported this even, either through prayer or financial contributions-thank you so much! Your support allowed each girl to have a once in a lifetime adventure. Our first night at camp I was walking with a girl, Phyllis, a 9th grader from Namywanga Village. She was explaining to me that her aunt was being buried that next morning. When I asked her why she wasn’t going to be there she responded by saying, “My auntie is already gone. But the things I will learn at this camp can change my life…and I can teach those things to my friends.” No doubt there are times in my experience here where things seem totally pointless and I’m ready to change the Peace Corps slogan from “the hardest job you’ll ever love” to “the longest vacation you’ll never understand.” This however was not one of those moments.

I have done my share of youth events over the years. Most of the CCR kids and some of the adults (sorry Zane) have scars to prove it. I can honestly say that this was one of the most rewarding camps for which I have been involved. From listening to the girls share “The Me I Want to Be,” to watching them problem solve how to untangle themselves from a huge knot, to laughing at their portrayal of adolescent boys’ pick up lines---it was a joy to be a part of this camp. We were also able to enjoy a great home cooked meal (including Ranch dressing!!!) and viewing of the classic underdog story, “Rudy”, thanks to a missionary family (the Gregersens) that live near the school where we held the camp. It was awesome to see how God worked that out to bring joy to the girls and to the Peace Corps Volunteers!

Again, thanks so much! Continue to pray with me as these girls move forward to lead their peers, their communities, and hopefully one day their country, Zambia.

Long After

Long after the long flight. Long after being greeted by balloons, flowers, banners, and best friends. Long after GI Joes, Annie Oakleys, Tacky Tourists and Hebert Hoover said hello. Long after the last of my Chipotle burrito has been picked from my teeth and been replaced with sandy grit (I need to stop smiling when the wind is blowing dirt). Long after sweat has replaced the glorious ice cold refreshment of jumping into the Punch Bowls. Long after the icing has been wiped off Delaney's face. Long after Paris has returned to normal life and her sacrilegious ways. Long after Michelle and Mike's 8 minute wedding ceremony. Long after Kelly and Bryan have returned from the honeymoon. Long after I swept many a game night (just kidding but who can refute it?). Long after baby showers are over. Long after tears and laughter with life long friends. Long after early morning coffee talks and late night ice cream runs. Long after parting hugs and kisses were given.

I long after it all again. Thanks for an awesome time at home. Miss You.

[Photos:Christy/Drea/Cait;Laney's B-day;Michelle's Rehearsal;Hunter's Photo of Cait/Kelly]

Back to the Bush

Sorry, sorry! Should have written sooner to let you all know I have indeed made it back to the bush safely. It has been a crazy last couple of weeks. I got out of the States, made it thru London, and into Zambia just fine. I had fun celebrating the big *27* here with friends. The fact that I could hand over American goodies to them made me quite the hit at my own party! In my honor they opened up a new grocery store (SPAR a South African chain)in Choma town. I know the fact that I am writing to the US about a grocery store makes me a complete loser, but you have no idea the ecstasy that comes when you can find both cinnamon and toothpaste in the same store. It is the Truth, I'm telling you.

Right away I had 4 visitors to my place in Chifusa. They are new Peace Corps trainees who wanted to see what life was really like out here! They are going to be sworn in as volunteers next week as long as I didn't scare them too much! I think showing people that, although long and tedious, it is possible to make and cook eggrolls over an open fire should only add to their repetoire of survival skills. They also got to teach at Girls Club, Chifusa Basic School, and help with Club Mweka. Which leads me to my next topic...

Club Mweka basically rocks. It was so fun to reunite with all of the kids in the group. They sang a 'welcome back' song to me, brought all of us tons of Zambian food, and had a blast getting letters from pen pals back in the states. Which made me think I should probably leave more often! For those of you who are pen pals with one of the kids from our club---they already love you and they are writing letters back that I should be sending next week. We taught them some new 'American' Games - duck/duck/goose, as well as Red Rover/Red Rover. Well, to be honest I taught them duck/duck/chicken as I have no idea what the word for goose is in Chitonga. It has the same general idea. They however had already player Red Rover, so that was nothing new to them. But if you think I am the only one that substitutes words, well think again. As I'm listening to them chant, I hear, "Land Rover, Land Rover, send Lydia right over." Red Rover, Land Rover...whatever.

Monday through Wednesday of this last week I had a training at the school with 15 students that were chosen by the teachers to be HIV/AIDS Peer Educators. The training went awesome, and I am really excited to work with these kids. Two of my counterparts from the village, Getrude Kayawe and Omsley Mudenda were with me throughout the training to help translate and teach and together we were able to really reach the students. Our last day we had each of them make an action plan for how they are going to reach out to their peers in the village and at school. We are going to meet monthly to continue to move forward with getting the information out about HIV. In Zambia 78% of all new infections are sexually transmitted so with the youth we are really focusing on making educated decisions regarding sex. I'm excited to see where the next year will take this group of peer educators and how we can partner together to really reach out to our community.

Yesterday I cycled into town to continue some fund-raising efforts for our GLOW (Girls Leading Our World) Camp that is set for the 21st-25th of August. We are working with local business owners to try and raise money and supplies for the camp. We really want to see the Zambian people invest in their girls! Our efforts are going ok, but I am also putting word out there to anyone back home that wants to be involved. It is about $40USD to sponsor a girl for the 5 days they will be at Camp. This includes transportation, lodging, food, etc. Each Peace Corps Volunteer is bringing 2 girls from their village to the camp. The idea is to train them in leadership and life skills, with a focus on them going back to the village to start a Girls Club with their Peace Corps volunteer. It is also going to be a really fun time for the girls to get away from all the duties that they have at home. For 5 days they will get to have someone else cook for them, they'll have running water, and they will get to meet other girls their age from throughout Zambia. We have a movie night, theme party night (come on-you know me), and Talent Show planned. It is going to be great. So if you would like to sponsor a girl to go to camp I am asking you to contact me! You can sponsor her for the full $40 or send whatever is possible. Email me at caitclarkson@hotmail.com, or respond in comments. The easiest way to get money to me here is through Western Union, but there is a $25 fee to send money, so ideally we can have everyone send checks to one person and then have them send the money to me over here. Get back with me as soon as possible if you are interested.

I think all of you are officially caught up on my life for now. I will try and post on here at least once a month-so keep checking back! It has been lonelier being back here after getting to spend time with a lot of you that I love so much. I'm excited to make the most of this last year and then get home!!!

[Photos: Rocky & His awesome collar!/Club Mweka Kids with Letters/Peer Educators]

American Icon Party

Just want to make sure that everyone knows I want them to be at my Welcome Home Party!!! Sorry if we didn't have your email to send you the evite but here are the details:
Where: 6030 Ashton Park Place, Colorado Springs, CO
When: Saturday, June 30, 11:30am
Questions? Andrea: 237-6530 or Ryan: 332-4007

"Come and welcome Caitlin home as she returns from the bush! Let's celebrate in style and remind Caitlin of her heritage by dressing as your favorite American icon.

Bring a side-dish or beverage to share and gather at the Clarkson's! All grilling meats and some beverages will be provided."

...23 Days...

While some days drag on forever, I still absolutely cannot believe that I have been in Zambia for over a year (My mom feels differently)! As I am wrapping things up to come home for three weeks, I am filled with so many mixed feelings. First and foremost I am thrilled at the thought of reuniting with my family and friends back in the United States. I can’t wait to hold my niece for the first time, slumber party it up with my sisters, talk with friends face to face and gasp for fresh Rocky Mountain air. It gives me goose bumps just thinking about it! For three weeks I will get to be surrounded by people that understand personal space, know what ‘Venti’ means, and have seen me clean on more than one occasion! Will I miss the men with AK47s walking down the sidewalk? No. What about hearing “Magua, Magua, Magua” (white person, white person, white person). Not even a little bit. And while getting my water from the well really hasn’t been bad, I think I will let the faucet run the whole time I am brushing my teeth. Sorry, Al Gore and company. : )

As I close out a year, I am struck by how little I feel I have accomplished how much I still want to do upon my return. Will one more year be enough? This first year has been so much of laying a foundation-networking, getting a sense of the culture, learning how things are done here. While I know my relationships with people have affected us both, there is still so much I want to teach, to give, to encourage. I am sure at this time next year I will still have a sense of leaving things unfinished, but I am committed to coming back and making the most of every opportunity that is given to me, even fighting for these opportunities if necessary. The last couple weeks in my village have been some of the most encouraging work-wise and relationally. Just this past weekend provided so much encouragement. Some friends from Choma came out to the village to share a film and talk with the people in my village-over 600 gathered together for the Friday night event. The next day Club Mweka doubled in size and we had about 60 kids out playing hot potato. I think God knew I needed that boost if He was going to get me back here to Zambia!

I have been privileged to live in deep community in the United States prior to coming to Africa. Even still, I have learned so much about interdependence from my time of independence on the ‘dark continent’. I love Krzyszt of Kieslowski’s insight into some fundamental differences between Africa and the West. He writes, “Suffering unites people, while affluence and riches divide people. In our time success is fashionable. Strength is fashionable. Weakness is not fashionable. Compassion is not fashionable. Yet these are the qualities that bring people together.” Now I have suffered on more than one occasion with friends and family back home, but that is an exception, not the norm. To have lived in this society where hunger, sickness, poverty, and death are staples of life, I have seen even more the beauty of solidarity. No doubt it has and will continue to shape they way I live my life. Long after my footprints have disappeared from the continent, the fingerprints of those I’ve lived with will remain on my heart.

Dear friends I will see you soon.

CLUB MWEKA

Come bathed. No bullying. Boys and girls get equal playing time. No insults. Come on time. No stealing. Listen when someone else is talking. These were just a few of the rules the kids voted into existence last Sunday. When choosing goals for the club, becoming better at futbol and learning topped the list. Of the 28 children that attended, nearly all are single or double orphans. All of them are seeking a place they can come and be just what they are-children.

Meet Club Mweka, a pilot program for orphans and vulnerable children in Simane Village, Zambia. Thanks to funding from the CCR Youth Group in Colorado Springs, the youth in this village will have the opportunity to get together to play games, learn vital life skills and be assisted with literacy. After lots of groundwork over the last months, we officially kicked off our club last Sunday afternoon and it was a hug success. I'm so excited to move forward with these kids and see what the future brings. While some of the children attend school, the majority are not currently going, so to get to be a part of the club is a great self-esteem boost for them!

Right now I am co-leading the club with Omsley, who was born and raised in Simane Village and has a passion for community development and youth. This next week he will be attending a 4-day HIV/AIDS workshop I am co-facilitating in Choma. Being able to provide him with more knowledge will even better equip him in this endeavor. He has great rapport with the kids and to partner with him is a pleasure.

As we look to the future our goal is to expand into the other 13 villages (and beyond!) in our area, training mentors and establishing clubs in each village. While being completely adorable is not a requirement for the club, I swear every child steals your heart. Pray that God would continue to bless this group of children and give us wisdom as we lead them!

Personal Legends

“Everyone, when they are young, knows their personal legend. At that point in their lives everything is clear to them and all is possible. They aren’t afraid to dream, to yearn for everything they would like to see happen in their lives. But, as time passes, a mysterious force begins to convince them that it will be impossible for them to realize their personal legend.” – Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

I love the truth behind that quote. As children we have the ability to dream freely-regardless of culture, time, or place. Children in the United States dream of becoming doctors and nurses, firefighters and teachers. Children here in Zambia share those same dreams. You don’t often hear children say that they aren’t smart enough or they aren’t sure they’ll have the money for college. The sky is the limit, and nothing inhibits their dreaming.

For me, after serious consideration and the ruling out of becoming Kelly Kapowski’s little sister on “Saved by the Bell”, I dreamed of becoming a famous news anchor. My family can attest to my days of “Reporting live from the backyard”. I would set up the ironing board and use that as my news desk and then video tape my segments. My freshman year in college I even enrolled as a Broadcast Journalism major. Maybe it was fear, maybe it was God just redirecting where I was going, but after first semester I switched majors and now today I find myself here in Zambia. But I still love to tell stories and to seek out the unseen. I think the person we were in our early years before we become wounded by the world, is often the person of our “personal legend.” How awesome it is when people are able to chase after those dreams and capture the essence of who they want to become.

I love talking with children here in Zambia. It helps that they don’t laugh at my Chitonga (our local language) and somehow my ridiculous gestures and made up words connect the meaning for them. When asked what they want to become they just tell you-with no shame or embarrassment. Bertha (10) wants to be a doctor, not a nurse like all the other girls. Mulenga (12) wants to be an accountant-I think she read that in one of my Newsweeks. Majory (16) wants to teach English and Cholwe (17) wants to be able to take care of her little brother and sisters. I think my time here in Zambia is about instilling in them the power to believe that those things can happen. Instead of standing with the majority of people here and telling these girls that their education isn’t important, that they will most likely get pregnant and become another struggling woman, I can tell them to believe that all things are possible, that they can fulfill their personal legend.

Here in Zambia people actually believe that men are smarter than woman. This isn’t some vague cultural idea. Boys actually have to get higher passing grades on the grade 9 and grade 12 exams than the girls. When I’ve questioned the teachers on this practice, they will tell me that if the girls didn’t have a lower expectation than none of the girls would pass to the next grade. You can imagine my pride when one girl, Mercy, scored 100% on my history exam! I was bursting with joy for her. I ran to her house to tell her family how proud I was and how she was really setting the example for other girls in the school. Unfortunately, this last Monday as we started classes again Mercy was not found among my pupils. Her family decided that instead of continuing on with 8th grade, this 15 year old girl should get married. And so she won’t finish her education, she won’t get to live out her life the way she dreamed as a child.

I know my thoughts have been a bit all over the place today. I guess what I really want to say is just that wherever we are with kids, whether its in our living room or across oceans, we need to encourage them to dream big. And as we grow up and encounter other people we need to also encourage them to not look at all that stands in the way, but to see the possibilities. Heal from the wounds that this world and its people have inflicted on us and be the person we really want to be. Maybe we all need to remember that child inside of us and figure out how we can let them out to play. That is when we will be free to truly dream again.

Signing off from Zambia, I am Caitlin Clarkson.